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Marriage Chronicles: An Open Letter To My Bros Who Aren't Married and/or Don't Have Kids

Here's the most up to date picture of my family. My lovely wife Veronica and our beautiful 1 year old daughter Riley Amore'. Having a family is a fabulous thing. I love my family to death and will do anything for these two ladies. Having a family has come along with some challenges. One of the challenges lie in the great misconception of what the life of a married man with a child(ren) looks like. It amazed me how many times I've heard the top 3 lies since I got married in 2010. Below, I've provided those lies and a truth to go along with them. I will say though... this is MY truth mixed with conversations I've had with others husbands in the same boat. I cannot speak for all/other marriages because all marriages do not operate in the same manner with the same values, goals, etc. Here we go...

PS. This is not directed at anyone in particular in my life. Before anyone begins to speculate or say/do anything crazy.

Lie #1: “You don’t have time to....”

Truth: I need you and I’ll make the most of what time I do have. I know how semi-awkward this statement is coming from one man to another (particularly in today's culture where if a man says anything emotional other than anger, rage, etc., it must be followed by a "no homo". Ugh! That gets on my nerves.), but it's the truth. I. NEED. YOU. If you were in my corner all the way up to the wedding ceremony; I'm certainly going to need you after. You helped me get there. The other reality is (and some people will disagree with this statement), wives cannot be everything to husbands and vice versa. Wives will never understand what its like to be a husband just like we'll never understand what its like to be a wife. Therefore, I need husbands/men in my corner whom I can bounce things off of and share in a safe space thats relative. Ofcourse my time is going to look different, but this is where I have to prioritize.

Lie #2: “I don’t want to interrupt family time.”

Truth: There are sometimes where a 'Welcomed Interruption' is necessary. Plus, family time isn't all the time. Conversations via phone, Face Time, or a Google Hangout do not have to be scheduled in order to connect. It's perfectly fine. If its not, we can do like regular people and just say, "hey...let me call you back." LOL

Lie #3: "You can't do that anymore. (Hangout with friends, dinner, sports, etc.) You have a newborn."

Truth: Yes, I can. There's an mutual understanding between my wife and I regarding the importance of this type of time. Not only does this apply to me. This also applies to her as well. Am I able to just up and do it? I could, but that would be disrespectful and dishonoring to my wife. Therefore, I do ask/run it by her to make sure it's cool first. I probably need more times out with the fellas than I actually do. Nonetheless, it's perfectly okay to put an invitation out there. If there's is a schedule conflict; allow that to be communicated instead of the logic being, "well ya can't be doing stuff like that anymore because you have newborn and I didn't even bother to say anything." It's wise for a husband and a wife to give each other the margin to do those things with their circle of friends in order to get refreshed, recharged, and re-energized.

All that to say; the beginning of a marriage or the birth of a child should not result in the end or the death of the relationship.


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